Fostering as a couple: how to share the role

Fostering as a twosome can be rewarding. Then you can just share the load and again offer more consistency as well as provide a child with multiple safe adults to trust. It works great, if and only when you have clarity in roles on who does what, clear communication with each other, and the ability to set boundaries, especially during times of stress.

Agree on what “sharing” actually means:

School runs, appointments , and contact arrangements, for example

Meetings – who does them?

Training responsibility - the agreed division in this regard is helpful to know in advance. 

How does it work if one of you is sick, away or working late?

Write it down. You will appreciate it when you are spent.

Stand with a strong voice yet be open to others’ points of view.

Boundary-testing is the work of children who have known less than stability at home. If one of you is a yes and another a no, it confuses the issue.

Set a handful of must-haves (eg, bedtime, screen time, and safety rules) and have flexibility with the others. If you do not agree, talk about it in private and return with a neutral united front. For Foster Care Llanelli, visit https://saferfostering.org.uk/foster-care-wales/llanelli/

Share the emotional load

Typically, one partner becomes the default carer. That can lead to burnout.

Incorporate check-ins: What is working, where are you struggling, and how can you feel supported? For example, if one of you has had a really hard day just this once, switch roles for the evening.

Protect your relationship

In-house fostering could consume your property. Book time that is just yours… even if it’s short.

Good fostering partnerships are imperfect, but they are deliberate, transparent, and quickly request assistance when needed.